cut-up-girl's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- EVERYONE FUCK OFF! fuck it i dont care who reads this or what anybody feels! they can go fuck themselves for all i care. aparently im just too depressing to even talk to. i might as well go crawl into a hole and kill myself and make the world happier. fuck it! if people fucking hate me why dont they just say it instead of confusing me with all the covering it up shit! God dam it! i dont care what anyone thinks they can all go fuck eachother. if they all hate me then good. if they all want me to die then they should come and kill me. if they are all to pussy to stand up to me then fuck them too. fuck stop messing with me and start fucking thinking before u blame me for what ever the fuck is wrong. FUCK JUST DONT FUCK WITH ME! 4:11 p.m. - 2007-05-13 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i dont know anymore will feeling even come back to me? im numb and its not going. i dont know what to say or what to do. i hate this feeling, this feeling of worthlessness. this feeling of lonelyness, this feeling that i will never be healed, that this wound will never heal. i cant go back to the knife, i cant hurt myself. i need to find a way out. 9:18 p.m. - 2007-04-21 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- im sorry I'm sorry that I hurt you, 9:21 p.m. - 2007-03-31 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- cut-up-girl The knife drips off blood, as the girl brings it back to her arm. She pulls back the smoothe, mettal knife accross her now wine-red wrist, and lets flow more blood. The girl puts down the blood-covered blade and picks up an old rag, which she placed around her wrist to clean away the blood, so she didnt get blood anywhere else. She held her arm an arms length away to examine the damage she had done. Crimson liquid would not stop pouring out of her arm. She felt faint and dissyfrom the massive loss of blood. she realised that if she wanted to stay alive without her parents finding out what she had done she would have to stitch up her own arm. numbly but shakily she went downstairs and grabbed some cotton and a needle. She threaded it up and began stitching her wrist up. The tears poured out of her eyes from the pain and fear.she resented herself and wanted to die, but at the same time she was afraid to die. She finished sewing her arm up and went out into the kitchen where some sleeping pills she knew of were in the cupboard. She reached for the pills that would send her into her dreamworld that she wished she never had to leave. She reached for the vodka she had hidden under the sink and popped the pills and washed them down with a great big gulp of alcohol- weather or not she was supposed to take alcohol with them she didnt care. She drifted off into that dreamland she never wanted to leave....longing to never wake up...wanting to die where she lay....she couldnt face the cruel harsh world. She couldnt face the promise of another day. She would hide away in her room for days on end, never eating, her only activity would be cutting herself and getting up to go get more sleeping pills and alcohol. She hide from the world...she resented everything.....she would tear at herself hoping to tear her soul out...she would cry and plea for death....until oneday she would recieve it... 10:33 p.m. - 2006-03-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- love hurts love is sweet 10:28 p.m. - 2006-03-10 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- if this is how life is supposed to be then death will be sweet the weather outside is raining and cloudy, damp and dark. Its just like how im feeling inside. People are always calling me emo. Cant they see that it wont help me when they do that? They expect people like me to get over whatever we are going through. It's not that easy. It's not a simple task to stop hurting on the inside, when other people are dissing us and putting us under catagories like emo! How would they like it if we called them freaks? Do you think you would like to loose your title of being "normal"? Everyone is differnet. some people arent happy with themselves and others only make it worse for them by not being happy with the way they look when they cant help it or the emotions they feel. Emo stands for emotional, shouldnt everyone be emo then? everyone gets emotional. Everyone gets angry, upset, sad, happy, depressed etc. these are all emotions. people who arent classed as emo feel all these emotions. then why arent they called emos too? think about it. its all shit! why cant people accept it that everyone is emo? 7:11 p.m. - 2007-03-08 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- wrists my wrists are red with blood, they are white with scars. I regret every slice, every cut i have done in the past. It has turned into an addiction. and additction i can't control. I have done so many stupid things in my past, but none of them as stupid as ever making that first gash. I say to myself everytime i look down at my wrists, "please, dont ever let anyone i love do this to themself" So far five people that i love and care about have cut themselves.... I cry for them, I feel like dying for them.... I wish i could take all thier pain for them. 2:50 p.m. - 2006-02-24 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- u try. will this be my fate? 10:31 p.m. - 2007-02-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- read it and weep my fingers type numbly. i dont realise what im saying. the words are just comming. im not thinking before i type. i hate this world but i love it all. i hate myself. but i love everything else. i cant be bothered anymore. everyone asks why. dont they realise that i hate the word? im sick of the same question over and over again. cant people see that? 10:27 p.m. - 2007-02-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- how long? how long will it take 8:12 p.m. - 2007-02-02 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- short poem. kill me now 6:40 p.m. - 2007-02-01 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- a sad story she stares at her screen. She wonders what to write. The rest of her family are laughing and having fun. She has just cut herself- yet again. the promise of another day is too much for her to bare. she cant go on for another day. She has turned off the computer. She lays down on her bed in hope of dying right there and then. She sees a rope outside, next to it she spots a tree. She is at the tree now, tying the rope up. She climbs up to a high branch and caries the rope with her. As she ties the loop in the rope she admires it from an arms length away. 'such a beautiful thing...' She thought to herself '...to take away my life it has an inner beauty for showing mercy on me by stopping me from living another day.' Slowly she pulled the rope over her head and around her neck. she fastened the rope to a snug fit around her neck so her head wouldnt slip out when she took the fall. She breathed in and then.......
2:30 p.m. - 2007-01-28 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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